The other day, when I was trying to get my son to take his dish to the sink, he replied, “OK, Karen.” Such remarks have been common in my household for over a month, and while I suppose I am somewhat proud of this milestone in his cognitive development (he’s recognizing patterns, I guess, albeit misguided), I am worried. His reaction seems to be a reflection of the sexist culture we live in. We are all guilty of sexism, and we all perpetuate it, even (I was shocked to discover) me.
First of all, let’s define what we mean by a “Karen” (and my apologies to those who go by that name; just my luck that the meme’s nomenclature did not yield a “Kristen”). According to Dictionary.com, “Karen” is “a pejorative slang term for an obnoxious, angry, entitled and often racist middle-aged white woman who uses her privilege to get her way or police other people’s behaviors.” Urban Dictionary contextualizes her this way: “Karen refuses to wear a face mask for her five-minute trip to the supermarket during a pandemic. She harasses the workers, asks to see the manager and threatens to sue.”
So, before being called one, I didn’t question the ire directed at “Karen.” I, too, was appalled when I watched the video of “Central Park Karen” calling the police because a Black man told her to put her dog on a leash. I too found myself shaking my head at the “Karen” who wouldn’t abide by store policy. I would often scan my memory for encounters with “Karen’s,” comforted that the meme retroactively validated my irritation.
But after being called “Karen” (and, believe me, that inspired an impassioned lesson to both my kids), I started to wonder, why are only women being called out? Why is there a pejorative term to describe a woman who is simply imitating what the men in her life do all the time?
Why did I have to Google “the male equivalent of Karen” just now? His name is “Ken,” by the way (apologies to Ken). But why isn’t the Ken meme equally popular? Why, when my husband tells my son to do a chore, my son doesn’t have a snarky “OK, Ken” to talk back with? As Matt Berical of Fatherly.com rightly notes, “while Karens are burned at the stake online, their male counterparts are often let off the hook.”
In my own experience, men tell me what to do all the time. I always get reactions from men when I write a hot button opinion piece. I’ve only written, at most, three hot button opinion columns in my life, yet men are the only ones who feel entitled to Google me, find my email address, and tell me with whom I should consult the next time I dare to open my mouth.
I am not writing to excuse those who feel entitled enough to try to regulate someone’s behavior. While exceptions could apply, generally speaking, people should mind their own business, no matter what their gender identity. I’m writing to say that the Karen meme should spur us to pause and ask some tough questions.
Why do we still judge men and women by different standards? Why, when an elderly male gives ill-suited advice, is he brushed off as a grumpy old man, while a female exhibiting that same behavior is often branded with a four-letter word?
And why don’t we take more proactive approaches to try to end this default?
I tell my son all the time that life isn’t fair. Life sucks. But I hope to raise him to try to make it better.
Published by The Arizona Daily Star June 29, 2021