Originally published by JONAH Magazine: https://jonahmagazine.com/tag/kristen-hoggatt-abader/
Anniversary of My Death
Revere Beach, Massachusetts
Firm to foam to the water lapping Thank you on this beach,
to the storm that won’t die,
to the rain that grieves,
to the drops that cool my skin and age my scars,
to the drops that come now in summer’s reprieve.
Last night, Anubis rose from the dark East.
Last night, he treated my corpse and put my excised heart
on a plate as Amir Timur’s crude feast.
Last night, fear, cold-boned: the banshee’s late-night shriek,
when that bitter poison reminded me of my precious health,
when the doctor’s cage saved me from myself,
when I fell out the back, when I fell on the black,
when my friends like Icarus flying,
when I launched into stillness undisturbed by busy hands.
To Arizona, to the ICU,
to that tube coiling fury into my voice,
to the wreck that marred the open road,
to the interstate, to the milepost,
to the warlike whir of airlift propellers,
to the dimming of sirens,
to the dimming of light—hours that tick away the sun,
to the drip as the IV’s begun,
to my black pen:
Life, says the ocean, will hold you.
Life, says the ocean, will hold you! I have to believe that as my son’s soul is lapping back at me, as the waves unfurl, he is waving back at me! That was perfect ending!Beverly
I have mixed emotions on this poem. Having recently lost my son who was being kept alive on tubes, this is a vision I try not to remember. We were so happy that your will and determination, kept you from becoming a courpse! You are truly gifted with your ability to articulate what you went through and love that you did! What I do love is “Life, says the ocean, will hold you. In April, out in the ocean, just at Sunset, he was released to start his journey lapping the water’s. It gives me solace to know that when his soul is lapping at the shores, I will know his soul will be waving back at me! That was a beautiful ending!